“You are a musical prodigy. Everyone you meet falls for your charm. You have just spent two years living the bohemian life, floating around Europe with your instrument like one of Chagall’s goats. Was it colourful? Was it exciting? Was it everything you imagined, in those years you spent desperately pining to get away from home?”
“It’s late, and I can’t sleep. My ears are tingling with every single sound in this traffic box of thin walls and squeaking, scraping trails of all the people moving around me. My mind is in allegro- I can hear thoughts cantering through the alleys of my mind. I wish it was quiet, silent- or perhaps a perfect infusion of harmonies, each sound, every sound flattering the last and the next, to create a dynamic equilibrium. I try to imagine it, but as I try to conjure up smooth notes, melodies, music, another siren tears through the window and rides gashes through my ears into my skull.”
“That kind of dark obsession, and paranoia… I don’t know where it came from, and I can’t believe it was walking around our house. None of us realised.”
Esther has just woken up restrained in a silent hospital, her manic thoughts desperately crawling through drugs to try to find her memories. All she has are three handwritten books, and she has no memory of any of them. But they tell her story.
Esther’s Lost Years is a dark thriller I have been working on for the past two years. It is about passion and determination; love and obsession; reality and mental illness. As it contains very sensitive material, I am being careful to research it properly to be as accurate as possible for the true elements within it. This, along with my personal journey of meeting each of the characters, learning their stories and creating the windows into their worlds, means that it will still be a long time until it gets finished. But I am in its clutches as much as it is in mine, and so it remains my long-term project.